week thirty-nine

 my days are filled with a raging quiet i can't explain
each second slams hard into the next
and i am left short of breath...
gasping, and hurting, and crying for air
though no one knows.
even the one who is supposed to know.
my hands feel empty
my heart feels empty
my life is empty.
i find nothing left to hold onto
could i just hold onto you?
would you notice if that's all i could do?
could you bear the weight of these walls falling down around me?
i don't want to be alone. 

September

at this point, i really have no words to describe september, as very apparent by the fact that i have no poems for the whole month (at time of this writing).  it has been a month full of extreme highs and lows, stresses, let downs and loss.  but im proud of myself for taking pictures through it all.  i might not have the words, but at least i have the pictures...

1. week | thirty-five, 2. week | thirty-six, 3. week | thirty-seven, 4. week | thirty-eight

week thirty-eight

the time has come to walk away...
I can feel these dreams of mine being ripped from my hands
the life I thought we were creating 
has now been pulled out from underneath me. 
I feel loss. 
but there is no time to grieve
for the moment has passed.

again we are searching
yearning for the things we thought we'd found.

is there a way to say goodbye without this pain? 
is there another way to hide my tears? 
for my breath is gone, 
but not my fears.

week thirty-seven

 at that moment
the floor dropped
falling...falling...falling...
is my permanent state of existence.

there goes the other me...
somehow she's falling up.
perhaps she will find the meaning in all of this
perhaps there is no meaning.

just action and reaction
and me
a girl in panic. 

week thirty-six

have I given all I can give? 
will these words of mine be enough? 
do my eyes pierce your soul 
to that place no one can see? 
I wish I knew... 
I wish I could hold onto the things you feel
the things you find in your heart.  
is it wrong to need reassurance?  
to need to know I can have an impact 
on your life, your world, your days.
is it wrong to crave your approval? 
in spite of my questions I am pushing through...
this is a commitment I am keeping.

week thirty-five

i feel the ground beneath me 
tremble in anticipation
today the future feels bright
there is truth in knowing
there is nowhere to go but up
up from here 
looks like the shimmer 
of a dream i used to know
that has called out to me.
i am eager to be reacquainted.  
i know there will be mis-steps and stumbles 
along the way
but i see the road
i embrace this journey
i keep looking up.

August

This month was full of fresh fruit, amazing surprises, discoveries and lots of caffeine.  I turned 24 in August, got to see my brother for the first time in 3 years, and made the decision to pursue photography as a career.  It was a hot, busy month, but an important part of the journey.  I am so glad im documenting it through this project. 

1. week | thirty-one, 2. week | thirty-two, 3. week | thirty-three, 4. week | thirty-four