the book

"We must create what we most need to find."  -Sabrina Ward Harrison

What I most needed to find this year was me.  And that is what prompted this journey of self-discovery through poetry and portraiture.  I turned the camera on myself in hopes of discovering my true nature, the things that made my heart sing and how I coped with what life threw my way.  In between all those things I found beauty, honesty, and truth.  I found my voice.

In the end, looking back, this is the greatest gift I could ever give.  And not just to myself, but to all who take a moment to read and look and peer into this book.  It is a gift to my husband.  A gift to my mother.  A gift to my friends; the ones who really know me and the ones I've just made.  A gift to those I've formed a bond with in the wonderful online creative world.  A gift to those who love poetry.  A gift to those who enjoy portraits.  A gift to those who need some inspiration, or just the knowledge that someone out there feels the same way they do.  A gift to those starting out on their own journey.

My book is now available for purchase.  This is my heart on paper.  I hope you find a little  of yourself among the pages.  May it be a little part of your own journey.

52weeks by Shaina Longstreet | Make Your Own Book

week fifty-two

the beginning and the end collide in this space
and i find myself fulfilled.
this journey has come full circle.
from a desire to learn 
to a knowledge that there really is no end to learning
from a place of bravery 
to the acceptance of my limitations
but also my talents, and my beauty 
and my worthiness. 
I believe I have accomplished my goal: 
to capture and portray myself
and then it all~ 
preserved in 4x6.

week fifty-one

will this melancholia consume me 
or will these eyes shine once again? 
am I apparent through my actions
the way I walk, the way I laugh, the way I am
can you still smell me 
through my perfume? 
nostalgia is a thing I can cradle in my hand. 
does a poem of silence still hold meaning?
beyond the words I write the message is all too clear
I am here.  
dreams, light, heart and all. 
I am here.

week fifty

I am from the far north
from sawmills and broken hearts
that will heal eventually.
I am from two homes
from cucumbers and cupcakes 
(I never forgave myself for nibbling) 
I am from straight A's 
from the written page and world's beyond mine
from siblings I can't stop loving
and the one that got away.
I am from Bible verses.
from the backs of horses 
to behind the wheel and still afraid
I am from long hugs and lots of tears.
I am from Mona Moose and shadylane. 
I am from counting hours and touching hearts
with truth.
from biting heels and sharing words.
I am from true love.
from our park and first kisses and life together.
I am from creativity
a place I cannot let go of. 

week forty-nine

make this spinning world stop
let me step off of this crazy carousel ride
and catch my breath
before the next adventure
before the next trial
before the nest day slips 
into a memory.
freeze this moment here with me
share in these simple things
a new scarf
jeans that fit
and a long ride home
just you and me.
these are the pleasures of a life shared
to have someone to ride beside.

week forty-eight

the chill in the air
fuels the chill in my soul
I can barely feel my own heartbeat. 
these raindrops turned snowflakes
mimic the nature of my fears
I am scared of change
I am paralyzed by transformation
I dread each day for how it will be 
different from yesterday.
so now I'm stuck
stranded knee-deep
frozen in this state of being.
you look at these falling bits of frozen water
and see beauty.
I can't keep myself from shivering...

November

I have been renewed and newly inspired thanks to the lovely Viv and her wonderful class that im in the middle of called You are Your Own Muse.  it is all about self-portraiture...the techniques used, editing tips, but most importantly:  seeing your own beauty.  she has infused this into my portraits this month.  i am so thankful.  The snow has arrived now... i can't believe this year is almost over.  5 more weeks.  5 more pictures.  5 more poems.  the end is bittersweet...

1. week | forty-four, 2. week | forty-five, 3. week | forty-six, 4. week | forty-seven

week forty-seven

I create because I am who I am...

I am who I am because I create. 

to make something beautiful 

and meaningful with my own hands

a gift I treasure.

preserving memories

making memories

I am blissful within my memories

dancing like my 12 year old self

singing because I love it

making art out of life. 

week forty-six

perhaps no one really understands
what it means to me...
to take a picture of myself
to capture that exact moment in time
too have something tangible to share
this is the thing I can give...
the thing I can believe has meaning 
beyond just myself.
this is my journey: 
self portraiture and poetry.
so I will never forget...

week forty-five

i took a walk today 
in the still of the cool autumn air
where the chill whispered its secrets to me 
and told me truth:
i am good enough. 
i am worthy.
i am brave. 
and for once
perhaps twice 
and most definitely a third time
i believed.  

week forty-four

the warmth from the sun
does much to soothe 
the aches I feel
some physical
some emotional
the daylight helps ease from my mind
the sleepless nights I suffer through
I'm tired ~ but can't close my eyes
I'm trying ~ to find peace inside
comforted today just by 
the light from the sun
resting softly on my face. 

October

this month was full of highs and lows...and they all seemed to match the weather.  fall has definitely arrived and i am so thankful for it.  the leaves all become flowers and the crisp air is welcomed after the stifling heat.  this project is winding to a close... but i feel like i am just now beginning to tell my story.  i am embracing the time i have left in 2010.  here's to another new month. 

1. week | thirty-nine, 2. week | forty, 3. week | forty-one, 4. week | forty-two, 5. week | forty-three

week forty-three

oh my sweet one
do you notice my distress?
I ache for you to see me
and ease my troubled mind
to tell me I am perfect for you.
and then it happens
you take my hand
and once again I feel whole
our words spill out after too long
and they sound so similar
they feel so familiar
we share the same aches
my sweet one
and together we can soothe them.
we have fallen in love again
it is a treasure to have this time with you
these hours just us
to slow down and be as we once were
as we are meant to be
oh my sweet one
my heart feels full 
and my smile is real again.

week forty-two

I have a dream...
to live in a perpetual autumn
to walk and feel a crunch beneath my feet
to breath in deep
and surrender to the crisp air
of life around me.
i live for the days of fallen red leaves
and hue-filled sunsets
this is my time...
October looks good on me. 

week forty-one

underneath this sweet smile
there is pain
sometimes you can see it in my eyes.
I do my best to hide
the stains...the dirt...the mud
I feel splattered in
covered in the memories that trap me
I cannot rid myself of their residue. 
they are like my shadow ...
a constant companion
a constant reminder
of my imperfections.
the weight of it all bares down on me
I cannot live up to these expectations...

week forty

I dream of days like this.  
I cherish them amidst the madness. 
a moment to breathe and smile and savor 
the little things.
sisters and matching shirts,
good french fries and decorating boxes
singing Disney songs and reminiscing about childhood.
today taking pictures makes me smile again. 

week thirty-nine

 my days are filled with a raging quiet i can't explain
each second slams hard into the next
and i am left short of breath...
gasping, and hurting, and crying for air
though no one knows.
even the one who is supposed to know.
my hands feel empty
my heart feels empty
my life is empty.
i find nothing left to hold onto
could i just hold onto you?
would you notice if that's all i could do?
could you bear the weight of these walls falling down around me?
i don't want to be alone. 

September

at this point, i really have no words to describe september, as very apparent by the fact that i have no poems for the whole month (at time of this writing).  it has been a month full of extreme highs and lows, stresses, let downs and loss.  but im proud of myself for taking pictures through it all.  i might not have the words, but at least i have the pictures...

1. week | thirty-five, 2. week | thirty-six, 3. week | thirty-seven, 4. week | thirty-eight

week thirty-eight

the time has come to walk away...
I can feel these dreams of mine being ripped from my hands
the life I thought we were creating 
has now been pulled out from underneath me. 
I feel loss. 
but there is no time to grieve
for the moment has passed.

again we are searching
yearning for the things we thought we'd found.

is there a way to say goodbye without this pain? 
is there another way to hide my tears? 
for my breath is gone, 
but not my fears.

week thirty-seven

 at that moment
the floor dropped
falling...falling...falling...
is my permanent state of existence.

there goes the other me...
somehow she's falling up.
perhaps she will find the meaning in all of this
perhaps there is no meaning.

just action and reaction
and me
a girl in panic.