week forty-three

oh my sweet one
do you notice my distress?
I ache for you to see me
and ease my troubled mind
to tell me I am perfect for you.
and then it happens
you take my hand
and once again I feel whole
our words spill out after too long
and they sound so similar
they feel so familiar
we share the same aches
my sweet one
and together we can soothe them.
we have fallen in love again
it is a treasure to have this time with you
these hours just us
to slow down and be as we once were
as we are meant to be
oh my sweet one
my heart feels full 
and my smile is real again.

week forty-two

I have a dream...
to live in a perpetual autumn
to walk and feel a crunch beneath my feet
to breath in deep
and surrender to the crisp air
of life around me.
i live for the days of fallen red leaves
and hue-filled sunsets
this is my time...
October looks good on me. 

week forty-one

underneath this sweet smile
there is pain
sometimes you can see it in my eyes.
I do my best to hide
the stains...the dirt...the mud
I feel splattered in
covered in the memories that trap me
I cannot rid myself of their residue. 
they are like my shadow ...
a constant companion
a constant reminder
of my imperfections.
the weight of it all bares down on me
I cannot live up to these expectations...

week forty

I dream of days like this.  
I cherish them amidst the madness. 
a moment to breathe and smile and savor 
the little things.
sisters and matching shirts,
good french fries and decorating boxes
singing Disney songs and reminiscing about childhood.
today taking pictures makes me smile again. 

week thirty-nine

 my days are filled with a raging quiet i can't explain
each second slams hard into the next
and i am left short of breath...
gasping, and hurting, and crying for air
though no one knows.
even the one who is supposed to know.
my hands feel empty
my heart feels empty
my life is empty.
i find nothing left to hold onto
could i just hold onto you?
would you notice if that's all i could do?
could you bear the weight of these walls falling down around me?
i don't want to be alone. 

September

at this point, i really have no words to describe september, as very apparent by the fact that i have no poems for the whole month (at time of this writing).  it has been a month full of extreme highs and lows, stresses, let downs and loss.  but im proud of myself for taking pictures through it all.  i might not have the words, but at least i have the pictures...

1. week | thirty-five, 2. week | thirty-six, 3. week | thirty-seven, 4. week | thirty-eight